Welcome my blueberries - to the official first edition of Catfishing a Catfish {the newsletter}.
It’s been a busy week and I haven’t had much time to play with the catfish currently on my hook, but I am going to burst back onto TikTok with some new videos next week. Make a note in your diary!
In other news, the Facebook group that I set up is already hugely successful and busy! If you haven’t already then join up here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/catfishingacatfish
We have 384 members and the group has been open less than a week. Members are sharing pictures of their catfish, screenshots of their conversations (some of which are frankly hysterical) and tips and tools to identify and catch your catfish!
Quote of the Week
On cooking and relationships…
In retrospect, it shouldn’t have surprised me that my husband had no cooking skills. When I met him he was living in a flat in Vancouver. It had two rooms, a bathroom and a kitchen. I mention the kitchen last as it was obviously the least used room in the place.
He shared this partly-underground flat with his best friend, who slept in the living room. I don’t remember much about his friend now, except he was very tall and would only date Japanese women. I stayed there, as I was travelling, and because his flatmate worked nights, he would sleep all day in the living room and I would hunker down in the no-windowed bedroom of my husband-to-be, trapped like a racoon in a rubbish container.
I would sometimes tiptoe through the lounge to pop to the shops, or to visit the bathroom, but his flatmate was so unfriendly that I would stay in the room and watch re-runs of Ally McBeal, bladder bursting and only giving in when an accident was nigh.
Frisbees. I mean, Frisbees!
When finally ventured into the kitchen cupboards I found row upon row of canned ravioli. Chef Boyardee ravioli. Nothing else, just ravioli.
This was served on frisbees, as there were no plates. He was 28 at the time.
This should have been my first clue.
The second clue
Back in the UK, we set up our flat as a married couple. He was trying to figure out a whole new country so I did most of the cooking and he would handle the simple stuff, like sliding a pre-made pizza into the oven or microwaving ready meals.
One day I asked him to cook some potatoes. I went upstairs to put some laundry away and when I returned he was prodding a pan in a fearful manner. I lent him my seasoned eye to the matter at hand.
He had peeled some potatoes, cut them up and arranged them in the bottom of a saucepan and then put them on the heat.
No water. No oil. No stock. Let’s face it, no liquid at all.
They sat there, melding to the bottom of the pan, probably feeling as perplexed as my husband looked. I marvelled at his lack of knowledge - I think I even laughed.
That was my second clue. I heeded it not and instead thought it was a delightful oddity that he had brought to the marriage to amuse me. We were still in our honeymoon period.
Several years on and I found it less delightful. If there was a way to cook something incorrectly he would find it. If he could make it dangerous as well, then he would.
Anne of Green Gables said that one day she would have made every mistake there was and would be done. My hubby didn’t seem to see it that way. He was unable to learn anything from his many past mistakes.
Instead of potatoes, he would put hot dogs and other foodstuffs in dry pans burning food and pans in the process. He was unable to use any common sense at all. Our oven was slow to heat up, so we had to give another ten minutes to make sure things were cooked through.
He would slavishly follow the recipe to the second and serve the meal without tasting it or checking the meat was cooked. I bit into a lot of half-frozen food. Salmonella was hovering over my shoulder just waiting to pounce.
I quickly learned that if I wanted to eat I had to cook.
When we divorced, it wasn’t because of his cooking, though it was there in the mix. He cooks for the kids at his house and I just repeat a mantra to myself when I think about it.
“Out of sight, out of mind” – and the children are still alive, so perhaps they have built up an immunity to his cooking.
A strange catfish….
This one approached me on a dating site. I have no idea what he really wanted but I thought I’d share the brief and strange conversation we had.
And the silence was deafening! Goodbye Matt, don’t let the door hit your bum on the way out.
Breaking news - Catfish the Musical!
CATFISH THE MUSICAL TO STREAM LIVE CONCERT PERFORMANCE ON 31 OCTOBER AND 1 NOVEMBER
Following a sold-out initial performance, Catfish The Musical will be available to stream exclusively on the platforms Broadway On Demand and Stream. Theatre on Saturday 31 October and Sunday 1 November
Tickets go on sale on Friday 16 October with a donation being made to Industry Minds
Creative Manager of the Musical Theatre Appreciation Society, Willy Mukendi, and composer Joseph Purdue today announce that the concert performance of Catfish The Musical will stream exclusively on the platforms Broadway On Demand and Stream. Theatre on Saturday, October 31 and Sunday, November 1 at 7.30 pm.
Catfish The Musical is a dark comedy which explores the themes of social media and online dating and was created and composed by these two strangers, entirely over the internet. They only met for the first time on the day of the album rehearsal and recorded the original album on only their third time of ever meeting.
Following on from its enormously well-received album release earlier in the year, champion of new work Paul Taylor-Mills, produced the original concert for one night only with a cast of rising stars. Directed and choreographed by Willy Mukendi and featuring additional choreography from Lee Proud, the show aimed to create a live opportunity for new work, performers and creatives.
During lockdown, 17 West End stars, including Alice Fearn, Luke Bayer, Millie O’Connell and Maiya Quansah-Reed united to showcase the musical by performing covers from the album.
Willy Mukendi today said, “We have been so fortunate to have received consistent support from conception stages, right up until professional performances. During lockdown, we, like many others, have had some opportunities cancelled and others postponed. One thing that never changed was our creative process. We have grown so accustomed to communicating online that nothing really changed creatively during lockdown for us. Creating this show online with a cast our size felt impossible at times, so we are so thrilled that we were able to continue and now provide this digital experience for those who weren’t able to get tickets.”
A portion of each ticket sale will be donated to Industry Minds, an arts mental health support platform. Tickets are available from Friday 16 October.
The Blueberries
In case you weren’t around when the name was coined, the lovely people who follow me on TikTok suggested that they be called ‘Blueberries’ - linking to one of the first ridiculous pet names I called my various catfish.
My little blueberry, my dingleberry, my kumquat - they took a fruity theme for a while.
This great graphic was sent to me by Sharon - thank you!
One of my favourite things is coming up with ridiculous pet names for my catfish. I’m considering a kitchen-themed selection; my whippy whisk; my little measuring spoon; my love funnel…..
See you next time!